So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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