I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
