garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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