I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
