Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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