He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
