I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
