We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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