Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
