Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I believe in your delicious
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
