Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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