Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
