the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
