watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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