hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
