Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
