stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
