As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
