I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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