He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
