I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
