So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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