dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
