The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
