My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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