hell yes lets make some ravioli
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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