We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
