I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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