it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
