He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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