So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
