if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
