can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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