I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
