I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
