I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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