Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
