i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
