one word: firstdatebathroomanal
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
