Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
