i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
