I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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