She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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