dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
