My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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