frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
