His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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