so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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