i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
