I met the friendliest cop last night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
