Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
