Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
