I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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